Do you feel stuck in your life after the loss of a loved one? Does it feel like you’re just going through the motions and have given up on ever feeling genuine joy and happiness again?
I realized that a lifetime of experiences had led me to the point where I have wisdom that can be of benefit to others. I’ve learned what works. I’ve learned what doesn’t work. I’ve developed techniques and discovered resources that I want to share with the world. We learn by experience. Usually, it’s our own experience. But, one of the great things about being human is we can learn through other people’s experiences.
At my age, I’ve been through good times and many hardships. The hard times I have had have led to the most considerable growth. Those times when I thought I had been buried, I had actually been planted. It’s through those difficulties that wisdom is acquired. That wisdom leads to transformation.
Usually, people who reach out to me have this in common have this thing in common. They feel “stuck.” Their lives are out of balance, and they feel like they are no longer going forward. These difficulties are prompting them into transformation. I am here to help you make that transformation.
Unidentified grief reduces your quality of life. You may be grieving and not even know it.
As cancer is to the body, grief is to the spirit. Like cancer, unidentified grief can slowly kill your spirit, dulling the twinkle in your eyes and snuffing the fire in your belly.
It is the thief of happiness, robbing us of our joy in exchange for low-grade malaise and ineffectiveness in our own lives.
Transitions and Everyday Grief Instead of the monumental grief associated with the death of a loved one (of someONE), I want to address the subtle everyday grief, associated with the passing of a part of us that is no longer (of someTHING).
Everyday grief is what I would call “process grief,” giving us a means to harmonize our day-to-day change and transitions in life.
Process grief is the necessary process of letting go of people, places and things that once served us well. Yet, no longer serve us now. Process grief is a kind of death that may be subtle but occurs much more frequent. To process everyday grief is to be present to the sacred transitions of our life. It is to stand in loving presence in the space between the spaces of what is outwardly happening.
Process grief happens within us. The change may not be visible to any other, but the person experiencing grief may be deeply (and often times, profoundly) affected.
Process and Well Being Let’s face it – grieving, sadness, mourning – they can be heavy. This burden can weigh on us like a monkey on our back, inconveniently in the way of our list of things to slay, to do and to accomplish.
We are taught that grieving is weakness and instead of paying tribute, we bury it and hasten an unceremonious expiration.
So for most of us, when we feel the twinge of sadness bubbling up, we don’t take the time to understand what is happening. We may often dismiss the subtle calling of sadness because we don’t think we have the time to spare.
We are often not present to (and thus ignore) the subtle nuances of our inner life because we “haven’t got the time” to feel.
Instead, we shrug it off, shake it off, stuff it down, neglect it, and move on to activities that seem more productive.
Yet, this tiny twinge softly calling to us is a very important message for us to slow down and to simply stop, even for a second, to acknowledge what is happening in the world.
When unacknowledged, grief is like a restless child calling to her mom. It won’t stop until it gets our attention. As with any child, if we continue to ignore it, this soft calling will begin to tug at the hem of our clothes. And soon enough, the soft call will erupt like the bloody siren of a screaming child.
Change is necessary, and with change, something dies and something is born. As grief and loss go together, we often fall victim to what has been taken away. Allow yourself to be the victim without judgment. Nurture yourself and let yourself know it’s OK to feel sad, hurt, betrayed, or any other emotion.
Then, as you are ready, choose to be your own champion! Allow the victor within you to overcome the victim and acknowledge the change, name it, feel it and own it.
This process will empower you to lean into change itself, allowing you to return to the most sacred core – the essence of YOUR being – and to courageously live the life of your dreams.
When you are in a dark room and making your way across a room full of furniture, it would be foolish to hastily run across the room. If you rush, you may very well hurt yourself.
When you are grieving, and feeling heavy as though you are traversing the darkness, it is okay to take a breath to go slow, even to stop and rest as you need to. It is perfectly acceptable to edge your way forward until you feel comfortable enough to walk out of the darkness.
In the dark, we use intuition to help us access which direction to go. Even in what seems like darkness, let guidance come to you and let it be filled with grace and ease. In a similar light, let the flow of life guide you in the direction you need to go.
Adunke Olatunji President Tabitha New Life Foundation